On the Way Down
by Gateway2000
Summary: Songfic to "On the Way Down" by Ryan Cabrera, Deathfic, 2x1. On the way down


Disclaimer: I don't own. DUH. Relena would be...well, let's just say Heero and Duo would be together. Also, I don't own "On the Way Down" by Ryan Cabrera.  
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex and violence, insanity, character death possible grammar errors.

On the Way Down

"You were supposed to be immortal. The Perfect Soldier that could live through anything. But you didn't. It's so stupid. So godfucking stupid what happened. You _died_. DIED. How the hell could you have done that? You knew me. You knew that I needed you. You were my anchor, the only thing keeping me from going fucking insane. Why did you have to do that? Jump in front of a damned truck to save a little girl. A little girl and her dog. Did she remind of the other girl and dog? The ones from so long ago that you killed? Quatre was always right about you needing to let go about things. That girl and the dog. They were what caused you to tolerate Relena and protect her with as much fervor as you could. They were what caused you to feel such guilt. Hell, now they're the reason that your gone. I want to hate them. Hate her plain brown curls and wide brown eyes. I want to hate her homely looks and her threadbare clothes. I want to loathe that dogs mangy coat and cut-off tail. But I can't and I won't, because you thought they were important enough to you to save. Would you like to know how they are? Both of them escaped without any scratches or bruises. Now, they've been adopted and are living comfortably in Relena's house. Last time I saw them, they were clean and fed. Would you have wanted me to have taken them in myself? I'm sorry, but I couldn't. Not only am I not allowed to, I wouldn't treat them as well as I should. Because they took you away from me.

"There's a song playing on the radio right now. It's not a very good song. It isn't the kind that I normally listen to. I think it's now my favorite song. Listen carefully, now.

_Sick and tired of this world_

_There's no more air_

_Tripping over myself, going nowhere_

_Waiting, suffocating, no direction_

_I took a dive and_

"Remember that time when we first made love? Yeah, made love...I'm never calling it sex again. Heh. I was going insane. I was about to screw up the mission, and I didn't give a fuck. You know, I would have killed myself afterwords. I told you how I felt. I wasn't strong enough to face the past alone. All of you guys suffered too, and had no problem dealing with it. I couldn't. Not only that, I was tired of killing people. I know. I'm Shinigami, the God of Death. Well, I didn't want to be the God of Death anymore. At night, the faces of the people that died would haunt my dreams, staring at me in a melancholy and serious way until I just wanted to kill them all again. You went through the same thing. But you told me when we were both alive. And I...did not.

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held on to you_

You told me everything. Isn't it strange? I was open and cheerful. You were withdrawn and stoic. Yet you told me all your secrets willingly, and I never did confirm your suspicions, even though they were correct. By telling me all that stuff that you did, you made me feel as if there wasn't something wrong with me. That someone else could be with me and share in my misery. I told you I was about to commit suicide. That night when you came to my room and talked to me, more than you ever did and ever would, was supposed to be the night blew myself up with Deathscythe. I had even triple-checked to make sure the self-destruct button would work. But I didn't. Because of you.

_Been wondering why it's only me_

_Have you always been inside waiting to breathe_

_It's alright, sunlight on my face_

_I wake up and yet, I'm alive 'cuz_

Yes. I'm alive. I'm not sure it's a good thing though. It is only me. I won't take any of that "he will always be with you" shit. I want you here in body and soul. Memories won't cut it for this spoiled brat. Sunlight...I don't believe I'll see it again. Where I live now isn't the brightest place in the world.

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held on to you_

_I was so afraid of going under_

_But now, the weight of the world_

_Feels like nothing, no nothing_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I wanted_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I needed_

_(down, down, down)_

_You're all I wanted_

_You're all I needed_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_All that I wanted, all that I needed now_

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held on to you_

The song sucks. I love this song. This song...let's let it be our song. Alright? Just ours. 'Cause you saved my sorry ass. I hope you didn't die regretting it. Heero, I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I want you. Godammit! It's your fault you know. That I'm like this now. You were the only thing shielding me from the demons that threatened to overtake me. But your gone, and I can't protect myself. Damn you! Fuck you! I love you, curse it. Isn't that enough for you? Isn't it? Come back now, Heero Yuy! Come back to me. Save me. Weren't you listening to the song? Save me, fuck it. SAVE ME! Please...oh, God. Just come back to me."

Two figures stood outside the glass window, solemnly watching the braided man inside talk, scream, and sob.

"Who is that man?" The new female doctor asked.

"Duo Maxwell. Quite an interesting person he was. We had him entered at the Sanq Mental Asylum ten years ago, after his husband was killed."

"Husband?"

"Yes. Heero Yuy, he was called. When he died, Mr. Maxwell completely lost all interest in everything. He started to talk to Heero all the time and tried to kill himself on more than one occasion. Did you know that both of them were former Gundam pilots?"

"Gundam pilots? In the war back in A.C. 195? But they would have been so young!"

"They were." The older doctor smiled sadly. "Have I ever told you that Mr. Maxwell has a beautiful voice?"

"No, Doctor Sally."

"Listen carefully. He's singing."

"It's so haunting...."

_On the way down_

_I saw you, and you saved me from myself_

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

_And on the way down_

_I almost fell right through_

_But I held on to you_


End file.
